Bonus Episode - Monks, Writers, Mystics, Scientists, & Philosophers Do It, Why Can’t I?

In this bonus episode of The Lemon Tree Coaching Podcast, we explore the psychology behind solitude, overstimulation, and the strange cultural double standard surrounding time spent alone. Why is solitude romanticized when monks, writers, or mystics seek it, but questioned when ordinary people do the same?

This episode unpacks the powerful difference between isolation and healthy solitude, the emotional exhaustion of constant access in modern life, and why silence can sometimes reconnect us to ourselves more deeply than endless noise ever could.

If your nervous system has been craving quiet, distance, reflection, or space to breathe, this conversation is for you.

Disclaimer: This podcast episode is intended for educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, or medical advice. Every individual’s experience with solitude, mental health, and emotional well-being is unique.

If you are struggling emotionally or experiencing a mental health crisis, support is available. In the United States and Canada, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for free, confidential support 24/7. You can also visit the for additional resources.

Transcript

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Welcome back to the Lemon Tree Coaching Podcast, where psychology, storytelling, and personal growth intertwine. Today's bonus episode is about solitude, discomfort, and the strange double standard society often places on being alone. Because have you ever noticed this? If a monk disappears into the mountains for years, people call it enlightenment. If a writer retreats to a cabin in the woods, people call it creative genius. If someone goes on a silent retreat, disconnects from technology, or spends months finding themselves, society romanticizes it. But if an ordinary person says, I need extended alone time, suddenly people become concerned. What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you isolating? Should we be worried? And psychologically, that contrast is incredibly interesting. And part of it comes down to framing. Monks, mystics, philosophers, and spiritual seekers are often viewed as moving towards something, either wisdom, clarity, discipline, enlightenment, God, inner peace, whatever it may be. Their solitude is seen as purposeful. But when everyday people crave solitude, society often assumes they're moving away from something, pain, depression, rejection, burnout, or disconnection. And the truth is sometimes people confuse solitude with isolation, even though they are not the same thing. Isolation is usually involuntary and painful. It often feels imprisoning, heavy, disconnected, hopeless even. But solitude, healthy solitude can be deeply restorative. It can feel clarifying, grounding, creative, sacred, like finally hearing your own thoughts again after years of noise. And I think many people underestimate just how overstimulating modern life actually is. We live in a culture that constantly demands access to us through notifications, emails, meetings, social expectations, performative conversation, small talk, pressure to respond instantly, pressure to explain yourself, pressure to always be available emotionally, socially, digitally, psychologically. And somewhere along the way, many people lost the ability to sit quietly with themselves without feeling guilty for it. But historically, solitude was often viewed very differently. Some of the greatest thinkers in history intentionally withdrew from society for periods of time. Monks did it, philosophers did it, writers did it, artists did it, scientists did it, mystics did it. Not because they hated humanity, but because silence helps people hear themselves more clearly. Sometimes the mind cannot untangle itself in the middle of constant noise. Sometimes healing requires quiet. Sometimes clarity requires distance. And sometimes you do not realize how dysregulated your nervous system has become until you finally step away from the chaos long enough to feel your body soften. Now, of course, there's nuance here. Not all solitude is healthy. There is a difference between resting and disappearing. There is a difference between protecting your peace and abandoning yourself. So I think the deeper question becomes: what is the solitude doing for you? Is it reconnecting you to yourself, your creativity, your values, your nervous system, your spirituality, your authenticity? Or is it pulling you further into despair, fear, hopelessness, or emotional shutdown? Because healthy solitude usually expands you, even if it feels emotional at times, even if grief surfaces, even if uncomfortable truths emerge. Healthy solitude often creates more clarity, not less. And honestly, some people are uncomfortable around people who genuinely enjoy being alone. Because it challenges a deeply ingrained cultural belief that constant socialization equals health, success, or emotional stability. But not everyone is built for constant access. Some people process deeply, some people need quiet to think, some people feel emotionally flooded by excessive interaction. Some people reconnect to themselves through stillness instead of stimulation. And there is nothing inherently wrong with that. I also think society tends to accept solitude more when it comes packaged in socially approved language. If someone says I'm going on a spiritual retreat, people admire it. But if someone says I need distance from noise because my nervous system is exhausted, people may become uncomfortable. Why? Because honesty disrupts performance. And many people are more comfortable with socially decorated solitude than raw human truth. So if you've been craving more quiet lately, more distance from noise, more space to think, more room to breathe, that does not automatically mean something is wrong with you. It may simply mean your mind, body, or soul is asking for reconnection. And maybe the goal is not to escape life forever. Maybe the goal is to return to yourself long enough to hear your own voice again beneath the noise of everyone else's expectations. Okay, so there you have it. Thank you for spending this time with me today on the Limit Tree Coaching Podcast. And remember, solitude is not always loneliness. Sometimes it is the place where you finally meet yourself honestly. And until next time, this is Dr. Allison Sukamelli. Take care of your mind, your heart, and your inner world. And I'll see you next week.